Good Shepherd Lambs - Episcopal Singles Ministry Membership

Singles Ministry Is Not A Social Hour
(Reprinted with permission)

By Charlotte Vowan - Solo Angels ministry, Dallas TX

It's a fact in the Dallas dating scene that people use church singles groups as a meet market.

About a month ago at a Diocesan Singles Commission Happy Hour, I was talking to a young lady who told me she was looking for a Christian man. She told me she goes to different church denominations singles events in hopes of finding a boyfriend. She was feeling very frustrated in her attempts to meet Christian men.

She reported participating in activities with S. Rita's younger Catholic Singles, Unitarian Singles, various Methodist singles groups around Dallas and Plano and still had no real prospects in her search for Christian men to date.

For some reason, I get really annoyed when I meet people who are just looking for dates at church events. Although I chair the Singles commission, I am not a dating or social director, and I don't want to be judged by my date ability. I resist the urge of match-making; it's not my purpose. I thought that's all very fine, well and dandy attending all these singles social events but what about your spiritual enrichment?

She is just skimming the surface of the singles community. I suggested she attend singles Bible study or discussion group or volunteer in an outreach program to really get to know others. I realize to do this you have to out a little effort into it, but the rewards are many.

I should have suggested that she check out either of these two Christian dating services: Equally Yoked or e-Harmony.com if her goal is to meet her future husband.

Bible study is a laid back (at least the group I attend) low-pressure way of getting to know people while enriching your spiritual life. In our Bible study we exchange our prayer concerns and pray for each other throughout the week. This brings us closer to each other. I know more about these people in one hour of Bible study than I can in one hour of drinking wine.

After Bible study, we head over to Starbuck's for more discussion. This caring spiritual community is involved with each other. We're like a surrogate family. In fact, for some people, the singles community is their only family. She's more likely to meet a dedicated Christian man in Bible study or Sunday School class. The men and women in my Bible study group have become friends, we hang out with each other. We talk about how we relate to the Bible but also our relationships in and out of church, or families, our dates, how to meet the opposite sex, work, and growing up, as we try to apply the Bible to our lives. Some members of the group have flirtations, some have dated; but we have all come together in Christ enriching our lives.

Just going to Christian single social events doesn't ensure that you're going to meet Christians. I know unchurched men do attend these events hoping to meet nice moral women. Also, there are male and female predators who attend events looking for an unsuspecting victim. While predators need to be welcomed into the community of Christ, with reservations, just be aware that not everyone in a singles group is to be trusted. I experienced the predatory male at a Christian singles retreat recently. I was totally oblivious to this man's intentions until he started talking very crassly to me. He invited me to take a walk in the woods at night. When I realized what his intentions were, I excused myself for a glass of wine and didn't return. He left the retreat the next day. I guess he wasn't after spiritual renewal.

So if your church doesn't have a singles Bible study, start one; open your home and heart to the singles in your parish. Start a prayer group, take the initiative and you'll be amazed at the results in your spiritual life as well as your social life.

If you would rather use popular culture for your study of the Bible, consider a movie might with a theological discussion afterwards. Good movie choices for this are Pulp Fiction, Chocolat, Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, Wes Craven's Dracula 2000 and Pleasantville. Of course, if you're doing something with the singles community at your church, I want to know about it. I might just know someone who is interested in doing just the same sort of thing. It could be me!

Opening your heart to God enables you to open your heart to the possibilities of other people. Sharing dinner with people can be a very spiritual and bonding experience, as Jesus showed us. I'm not knocking social events; sometimes it is easier to meet a group of unknown people by attending a happy hour. Those who have a spiritual conviction may not have the time for this type of socializing, but do make spiritual enrichment a priority in their lives. Isn't that what the frustrated lady was looking for anyway?

The DSC had a 13 percent increase in attendance at this year's Sock Hop.

Of those who attended, one young man was visiting from Highland Park United Methodist Church, (which has a big singles program).

He told me that he grew up in the Episcopal Church and would like to attend the Episcopal Church if he could find one that supported a singles community. He said that he very much missed the ritual of attending Sunday school, church and then eating afterward.

HPUMC's singles community has provided that familiar ritual for him. Isn't that one of the things we are building in our community: the sense of family for those who are separated from their family?

To anyone who wants to be a part of our single activities, but needs someone to invite him or her, I'll gladly extend the invitation to come see what we offer at the Episcopal Church.

Ask to be included in the Solo Angels e-newsletter of weekly and monthly events by contacting me at ccvowan@earthlink.net and see what is available.