The Scroll
A Periodic newsletter
for SAM's Lambs
http://www.samslambs.org

Why God Will Never Get Tenure at Any University

1. Only published one book.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. He did not publish it in referenced journals.
5. Some doubt He even wrote it Himself.
6. He is not known for his cooperative work.
7. Sure. He created the world, but what has He done lately?
8. He did not get permission from any review board to work on human subjects.
9. When one of His experiments went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning all the subjects.
10. When sample subjects do not behave as predicted, He deletes the whole sample.
11. He rarely comes to class. He just tells His students to read the Book.
12. It is rumored that He sometimes lets His Son teach the class.
13. Although He only has 10 requirements, His students often fail His tests.
14. He expelled His first two students for learning.
15. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

(From faculty members at Kansas State University and instructors at Allen County Community College)

Internet References:

Singles in the Church: Is There Seating For One In The Church?

From The Rev:   Some "Risso Therapy"

from Reverend Lance Robbins
Rector, The Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd

Church Announcement/Newsletter Bloopers
(not from OUR church of course)

# Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

# The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

# Evening massage - 6 p.m.

# The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

# The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

# Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

# Ushers will eat latecomers.

# The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

# For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

# The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

# The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

# During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

# Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

# Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

# Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

# The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

# Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

# The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

# The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

# 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

# A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

# Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

# Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"

# Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett

# Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"

# On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD   Dr. Hargreaves is better.

# Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

# Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

# The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

# Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Faithfully,

(The Rev) Lance Robbins,
Rector, The Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd,
Webster NY       Tel: 585-872-2281

Bishop Jack McKelvey  of the Episcopal Diocese of Rochester NY recently visited Good Shepherd where he delivered an address on "Marks of an Effective Congregation"  It looks like Good Shepherd’s congregation and clergy would definitely fall in the Effective Congregation category.